When we find ourselves at the end of a relationship the sense of loss can be overwhelming and the loneliness paralysing. We may acknowledge that we would like some help but often we find it difficult to identify the help that we are looking for so we soldier on hoping that someone, will come along with a plan to soothe our aching heart and resolve our practical problems.
In reality, this rarely (if ever) happens. We are standing on the threshold of endless opportunities, looking backwards with no one to tap us on the shoulder and say, “hey, look
over there, the view is so much better.”
The good news is that help is out there and I am tapping you on the shoulder and asking,
“What would be most helpful today?”
Take some time to reflect and then consider some of the options below:
Family & Friends – People want to help but they may not know how. Remember, they too are adjusting to your change in circumstances and, depending on the nature of your relationship, some may be more helpful than others. Be clear on what it is that you are looking for, choose wisely and reach out.
Professionals – For some of you it will be the first time that you will have had to contemplate using solicitor, to consider your financial situation or handle the sale of an existing property or the rental of a new one. Do your homework, ask questions, and ensure that the people you engage are mindful of your situation and prepared and able to provide you with an appropriate level of service.
Healthcare – If you had a broken leg you would seek treatment immediately, you would not sit at home for weeks on end hoping that it gets better by itself. When you have a broken heart the need for treatment may not be so obvious but it is equally important to attend to it. Support groups, GPs, counsellors, therapists and coaches can help; so take some time to think about what kind of help would be useful and take action.
Quick fixes – Sometimes immediate gratification is the only way forward! A haircut, a massage, a manicure, a new outfit, a brisk walk, a visit to the gym, a drink from your favourite coffee shop or a visit to the charity shop with items that just serve to remind you of the life you had are not, in themselves, going to magically transform your life. However, they can be a catalyst for change and provide a window on to the happiness that is still out there waiting for you.
Staying with the pain or walking away from it towards self-determination, freedom and happiness is a choice, not an easy one I grant you, but a choice none the less. There is help out there and only you can decide what kind of help you need and whether you are going to ask for it. Asking for help is a gift to yourself and the person you are asking – it makes both feel valued.
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