Divorce is not simply about the legal formalities of ending a marriage. It is also about dismantling years of emotional, financial and social relationships and rebuilding them again in an unfamiliar landscape.
When faced with divorce most of us, understandably, go in search of a solicitor to help us make sense of what is happening and provide support through the process. This is a good place to start and whilst some lawyers may be compassionate and empathetic their expertise is the law. However, divorce is not simply a legal matter so engaging the services of a good divorce coach will have a massive impact on our overall experience of divorce.
Divorce coaching is designed to support people and help them to make the best possible decisions based on their unique needs, concerns and circumstances. Divorce coaching can help to:
Clear the confusion and get things done.
The break-down of a relationship can leave us with what feels like permanent brain-fog impairing our ability to think clearly, make decisions and take action. A divorce coach will work with you to identify your issues, help you to prioritise them, make a plan and take action.
Provide balance and emotional support.
Friends and family are an important part of the divorce journey. They love you and they want to help but their well-intentioned support and advice may, unintentionally, fuel your discomfort. A divorce coach provides a safe space where you can off-load, grieve and be vulnerable without fear of being judged and the need to be seen to be coping.
Manage your emotions and re-energise your life.
Divorce is draining! It is possible to spend weeks procrastinating because we feel so overwhelmed that the only viable option is to do nothing. A divorce coach helps you to understand your emotions and work with them so that they become manageable. Gaining control of your emotions is transformational because they become allies in your quest to move forward as opposed to enemies that keep you stuck.
Recognise triggers and improve communication.
Divorce requires us to redefine the relationship we have with our ex. If there are children involved that person will be present for the rest of our life and that can be a bitter pill to swallow. We have history and we are hurting and the most basic contact can trigger unhelpful reactions. A divorce coach will work with you to identify the triggers and minimise the impact so that communication becomes responsive rather than reactive. This is not only liberating but it paves the way for less conflict around co-parenting, unavoidable contact and legal and administrative requirements.
Rediscover your self-worth.
If the marriage was good we will each have played to our strengths for the benefit of the relationship. If it was a bad marriage we may have given control to the other person. Either way, when it’s over we can find ourselves lacking a sense of identity and purpose. A divorce coach will help you to reconnect with your values and aspirations so that you can take back control of your life and move forward confidently.
Rebuild your life on your terms for your benefit.
When we come out of a relationship our biggest fear is that we will never be able to manage on our own. How are we to approach employment, finances, being a single parent, the practicalities of everyday life, building new relationships, socialising and how will we ever be able to trust ourselves and others? A divorce coach will help you to pick up the pieces of your shattered life and rearrange them to create a vivid picture or the life you want to have. They will work with you to identify and keep those pieces that will continue to serve you, discard the ones that were dragging you down and add new ones that will strengthen you moving forward so that you feel confident to move on with dignity, grace, optimism and purpose.
Optimise your costs.
The financial toll of getting divorced is often our biggest worry. How are we going to pay our living expenses and the additional costs thrown up by the divorce process? Your solicitor knows the law and they want to help you to get the resolution you want as quickly as possible. They can only do this if you provide relevant information and take the appropriate decisions in a timely manner. A divorce coach will enable you to lean on your solicitor solely for the legalities by helping you to manage your emotional needs, encourage you to be proactive in the legal process and motivate you to take action. The sooner you can reach an agreement on child custody and a financial settlement the sooner your legal costs end. Whilst it may be tempting to drag things out, for whatever reason, ultimately it serves no one and ending the divorce process as soon as possible frees you to move on and find happiness again.
Divorce is a devastating, confusing, frightening and lonely experience irrespective of whether you are the petitioner or the respondent and getting appropriate help is the key to surviving the process and thriving when you come out the other side.
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